2020 All Over Again
Plus: Finally, a hot celebrity who hates terrorists, Autistic Barbie meets Incel Ken, and Kamala Harris tells climate activists to stop being poor.
It’s Friday, January 16, 2025
Did you miss the insanity of 2020 and the Great Awokening? Well, you’re in luck. It’s all coming back with a vengeance, and we’re only halfway through January of an election year. College students are still hunkered down in their dorms on account of the weather, diligently pasting their assignments into ChatGPT. The fun has just begun.
Chaos in Minneapolis? You betcha. Legal observers Hooligans are breaking into ICE vehicles and stealing their weapons in the name of social justice. Once again, Donald Trump is threatening to invoke the Insurrection Act to get things under control. It’s only a matter of time before journalists start whining about feeling unsafe after a Republican writes an op-ed in the New York Times. Remember the “fiery but mostly peaceful protests” guy from CNN? He’s back on the scene. Obnoxious hecklers are kicking people out of restaurants, “Abolish ICE” is all the rage, and deranged white women are condemning themselves for crying “white tears” of privilege. Yeah, we’re really doing this.
The vibes definitely shifted after Trump’s victory in 2024, but the woke-lash has arrived. Earlier this week, gay comedians Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers issued groveling apologies for telling people not to donate to Jasmine Crockett, the loudmouthed congresswoman running for U.S. Senate in Texas. The gays instantly caved after a bunch of shrieking scolds denounced their “structurally violent” opinions about a prominent black woman.
New York City mayor Zohran Mamdani is one of the most radical Democrats elected to a major office. His housing czar, Cea Weaver, really hates white people, but she’s also white, which is a problem. The city’s racial activists are already complaining that none of his deputy mayors are black, which is, like, so 2020.
Scott Adams, the Dilbert cartoonist, died from cancer this week and the media couldn’t wait to malign him as a “disgraced” “racist.” Then, for no reason at all, Mattel decided to “celebrate diversity” by releasing a racially ambiguous “Autistic Barbie.” It’s like 2020 is a cultural black hole that is dragging us back down the gravity well.
On the bright side, there’s no global pandemic. Broken-brained liberals are free to follow in the footsteps of Jason Stanley, the former Yale professor and “fascism expert” who fled to Canada last year and recently published an op-ed scolding his new neighbors for not hating America enough. There are sanctimonious experts demanding fealty while making shit up as they go. The “follow the science” crowd can’t even define what a woman is or answer a simple question such as “Can men get pregnant?”
It could always be worse. Americans are still allowed to have a sense of humor, which is banned in much of Europe. So it’s nice to see that people can still laugh at all the nonsense.
For some reason, people have been posting AI-created images of romance novels imagining forbidden trysts between ICE agents and their feminist antagonists. It really makes you think. Just imagine what this country could achieve if we all just put aside our differences, stopped breaking windows, and started healing hearts instead.
Kamala Harris fails upward, cashes in: The 2024 loser purchased an $8.2 million oceanside mansion in Point Dume, one of Malibu’s most exclusive neighborhoods. So much for the “climate crisis” Harris has long claimed would devastate coastline communities if Americans didn’t vote for Democrats, the party that cares about the working-class and thinks rich people have too much money. Barack Obama, owner of an $18 million waterfront estate on Martha’s Vineyard, would be proud. Meanwhile, Joe Biden is struggling to fund his presidential library like a total peasant.
It’s clear that Harris would prefer to quit politics, drop all the nonsense about fighting “for the people,” and focus on what really matters—making obscene amounts of money and hanging out with celebrities. But there’s still hope yet for those of us who’d love to see her run again. A recent poll showed Harris comfortably leading the field of possible contenders for the 2028 Democratic primary. What are they going to do, tell the black woman to stay in her place?
Queer Fatties for Iran: In an exclusive guest column for the Washington Free Beacon, Iranian supreme leader Ali Khamenei laments the lack of student activism on American campuses expressing solidarity with his anti-Zionist regime. He makes some compelling points, to be fair:
In 2024, I watched and cheered as American students risked their lives to stand on the right side of history. They skipped meals, slept in tents, and boycotted exams. In the course of this honorable struggle, they transformed the manicured lawns of America’s finest universities into moral battlegrounds, the epicenter of a globalized intifada.
The anti-Zionist resistance was emboldened by their megaphoned cries of inclusive solidarity—Fatties for Palestine, Trans Women for Palestine, Indigenous Twinks for Palestine, the list goes on and on and on. These truths we held to be self-evident: that decolonization meant more than just vibes and essays, that Zionist perfidy was a scourge upon the Earth.
Nearly two years have passed since that glorious spring, and I cannot help but notice the total lack of campus activism in response to what Columbia University professor Hamid Dabashi recently described as the “Israeli-led” riots in Iran. My regime—which funds Hamas, by the way (you’re welcome)—is fighting for the same cause. We should be allies. I’ve worn a keffiyeh every day since before you were born. So where are my encampments? Where are my twinks and fatties?
Read the whole thing here.
Checking in on Candace Owens: We’re still awaiting an update regarding the Franco-Israeli plot to assassinate Owens for exposing the truth about Brigitte Macron’s male genitals. In the meantime, Candace has been shedding light on the crisis actors “protesting” in Iran, and advancing the “entirely plausible” theory that Charlie Kirk was a time traveler who was murdered by Jewish robots desperate to stop him from disturbing the space-time continuum—or something like that.
Palate cleanser: Hollywood starlet Sydney Sweeney met with two Israeli survivors of the Oct. 7 attack who were taken hostage by Hamas, cementing her status as the least terrorist-sympathizing celebrity of her generation. Brava!
Email: stiles@freebeacon.com
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Andrew - I have to ask - who set this up? The foundations put out the call for the paid protesters to hurry to Minneapolis and do what they do as the mayor and governor call for ICE to be harassed peacefully. The TDS brigade knows the left politicians are saying peaceful with a wink and a nod. The tragedy of the lesbian mother being cheered by her wife to drive! And then ask why are you using real bullets? Can’t be wasted. The TDS brigade knew it was probable given the massive dose of progressive indoctrination and righteous indignation common to the WIFE legions that a good martyr would be found. The seeds were planted when the cackling idiot was anointed by tall Joe’s handlers and she chose the prancing moron for VP slot- had to be a set up. The uncovering of all the fraud that has been reported and ignored since 2015 - Shazam- the timing was perfect and holy moly who knew the Somalis were so good at day care? And now we find how all these leftists politicians have known and ignored it? Well shucks Sherriff- it’s the mother load! 9 billion? And now it’s happening in other states? Who set this up?
And then you finish with the girl who wears the white dress perfectly. 😎 happy Friday!
Brilliant work as always. And those pallet cleansers should come with a preview warning for causing heart conditions and blood pressure changes. Oh yeah and free Iran