It’s Friday, September 25, 2026.
Many people are talking about a lesbian bar in Massachusetts.
The Boston Globe’s report on the existential crisis at Last Ditch, a once-beloved watering hole for “dykes, transsexuals, [and] gender freaks,” reads like a dispatch from a distant planet—or a nearby college campus. A breathtaking menagerie of progressive nonsense. Impossible to satirize.
Long story short: The owners made the mistake of trying to stay in business by attracting more customers. So they agreed to relax the bar’s strict face-mask requirement on Saturday nights. This was several weeks ago, in 2026 A.D.
There was moderate pushback at first. Critics, including the leader of “another queer COVID-conscious collective in Western Massachusetts,” accused the bar of fomenting ableist genocide. Ownership groveled for forgiveness, but that only made things worse.
Read the whole thing, if you can stomach it. Either way, please enjoy the following poem. It was composed entirely from the text of the article:
Being Complicit in a Mass Disabling Event
Quaint, crunchy Greenfield Rainbow flags deck store windows Men in ponytails and N-95s Were ordering hibiscus tea
Three housemates in their mid-20s opened a bar For ‘dykes, transsexuals, gender freaks, Workers, and their friends’ Native plant garden Stripper pole at the center Simulation of a lesbian sex act—masks in place
A drag performer who uses it/its pronouns Envisioned a venue where It and its friends could perform Dance tracks from DJ Harsh Noise Boyfriend ‘Interested in revolutionary praxis’ No one would be turned away for lack of funds The owners fell behind on bills One had enrolled in clown school ‘Mask optional’ The new policy was not received with love ‘I hope your venue gets firebombed’ Accused of being ableist — eugenicist, even ‘Acknowledgment of harm’ Posted an Instagram card Without providing alt-text For the visually impaired
Designated mediators A licensed therapist Calming breath exercise ‘WHITE THEY THEM TEARS’ Irate messages, which are dutifully read aloud
‘Gaga is Zionist’ A gender-expansive lesbian Uses he/him pronouns One person going by ‘Moss’ Asked to be referred to by his stage name Landlord wants $3,900 in back rent by Monday ‘That’s the price you pay to be in community’
Bottom line: The Globe story is insane, but no more so than the average DSA meeting. Past is not past. The struggle endures.
Unteachable moment: People are also about Nikole Hannah-Jones’s latest essay in the New York Times, where she has technically worked for 11 years covering “racial injustice and civil rights” with a “focus on school.” If she writes another one this year, she’ll have amassed 20 total bylines since 2020. That includes “Five Takeaways From Nikole Hannah-Jones’s Essay on the ‘Colorblindness’ Trap” by Nikole Hannah-Jones.
Long story short: She regrets sending her daughter, now 16, to a failing public school in Brooklyn for selfish political reasons.
One can only assume that Hannah-Jones, relentlessly fêted creator of the 1619 Project, didn’t want to be another rich liberal who preaches the virtues of public education but sends their own kids to private school or a “highly selective” alternative like the one Hannah-Jones’s daughter now attends. Gambling her daughter’s education was a risk worth taking to prove that wanting what’s best for your child is racist and unfair.
The distinguished journalist could certainly afford a better school. In 2022, the Arlington Public Library paid her $40,000 an hour to tell a bunch of white liberals that the United States was among “the most unequal societies in the history of the world.” Never in that same history, perhaps, has a statement so dumb been asserted so confidently and applauded so dutifully.
Hannah-Jones seemed to think her mere presence would be transformational. “A New York Times reporter in a high-poverty school fucking changes the school, right?” she boasted in 2018.
It did not.
Only an award-winning expert could be so naïve about her area of “focus.” Expecting cultural cachet to overcome decades of bureaucratic dysfunction is like bringing a yacht to a battleship fight.
For having the courage to admit she feels bad about using her child as political prop, Hannah-Jones will probably win another Pulitzer. Meanwhile, her worldview remains untouched by the ordeal. The word “inequality” appears nine times in the essay. The word “union” appears zero times. She learned nothing, except that America’s world-historic racial inequities are somehow even worse than she realized.
Stay tuned for Hannah-Jones’s next essay in the Times, due out in early 2027.
Make-A-Wish for cable networks: Donald Trump was needlessly cruel in banning CNN and MS NOW from the White House press pool. Every day is precious for these networks, which might not be around much longer. We should all be doing everything we can to make them comfortable, even if that means indulging their silly demands from time to time. Most of their viewers are in group homes or hospice care. Some are simply too weak to change the channel on their oversized remotes. Let them watch a little longer. Let the journalists play with their friends.
Politico deserved to be banned, if only because they continue to employ Ben Lefebvre. He’s an energy reporter who’s obsessed with Japan. You know the type. He’s not a fan of the Free Beacon, but he would probably dig the vibe at Last Ditch—Sunday through Friday, at least. In 2020, Lefebvre complained about his neighbor showing up to an outdoor party without a mask. Months later, he was deservedly ridiculed by a MAGA bro who saw him driving in a mask and “started fake coughing at my car.”
Journalists deserve cocktails parties: Hasan Piker, the anti-American influencer, attended a Washington Post cocktail party this week and had a great time yukking it up with his fellow truth-tellers. “A lot of people in the media may report on me as though I am a, a dangerous terrorist, but let me tell you, in person these guys were very excited to meet me,” he explained. “I also met a lot of people who said, you know, ‘Keep up the good work. You’re really pushing the envelope. We appreciate it.’ … No disavowals, no disavowals, no distancings, none of that. Nailed all my social interactions.”
Amy Klobuchar deserves an apology: It’s become increasingly clear that the Minnesota Ice Queen was unfairly maligned during the 2020 presidential campaign, when former aides (anonymously) accused her of “dehumanizing” young staffers by, among other things, pelting them with binders and forcing them to clean her salad fork. We failed to consider the possibility that Democratic staffers deserve to be mistreated by their bosses.
Case in point: Mary Peltola, the former Democratic congresswoman running for U.S. Senate in Alaska, may have earned herself a Free Beacon Man of the Year nomination after the New York Times revealed similar allegations of “abusive behavior” from (anonymous) former aides. “The atmosphere in [Peltola’s] office rattled staff members, who were sometimes driven to tears and often discussed quitting,” the Times reported. “Some said the mental anguish caused them to lose weight or deal with the stress in therapy.”
Bless their fragile little hearts. If anything, Peltola was too soft on them. Many of the incidents described took place months after her husband died in a plane crash. But Peltola’s staff was also suffering. If you can believe it, some of them were asked to feed her daughter’s pet chameleon, Meatball. Whereas most normal Americans would consider this a fun diversion at the office, the insufferable scolds said it “exemplified the disregard Ms. Peltola appeared to have for her employees.”
Peltola’s campaign might as well have planted the story, which paints a flattering portrait of a candidate who doesn’t have time for bullshit. For example, she vented her frustration at Planned Parenthood when the abortion activists kept pestering her about an upcoming vote in Congress. “FUCK THOSE BITCHES,” she wrote in a text to anguished staff.
Go off, queen.
Palate cleanser: The NFL fined 49ers fullback Kyle “Juice” Juszczyk almost $15,000 because they determined his “imitation of chugging a beer ... could reasonably be construed as being in poor taste.” Bud Light, the official beer sponsor of the NFL, has yet to weigh in. In the meantime, fans are encouraged to bet on whether the fine, which Juszczyk plans to appeal, will be reduced or overturned.
Juszczyk is supported by his wife, Kristin, who is also very talented.
HAVE AN OK WEEKEND
Email: stiles@freebeacon.com
If you have friends, tell them to subscribe to the Stiles Section newsletter.
Send them here.
You can’t make this stuff up because no one would beleive it.
Re: the pic of Juszczyk’s wife - am I supposed to be wearing my bikini top upside down? I can’t keep up with this stuff. There needs to be a better notification system.