Won't Someone Think of the Journalists?

Plus: The first cool Harvard grad, Batman for 'microlooters,' and the 'asshole with a Nazi tattoo'

May 01, 2026

IT’S FRIDAY, MAY 1, 2026

Someone tried to kill the president again. It happened almost a week ago, so the media have already moved on. Journalists and other Democrats quickly pivoted to attacking the Supreme Court for doing Jim Crow 6.0 (or whatever we’re up to now). The New York Times described this week’s ruling, which scaled back a portion of the Voting Rights Act, as a flashpoint in the ongoing debate over whether America is less racist or just as (if not more) racist than it was in 1965.

Gotta hear both sides, I guess.

At the risk of dredging up old news, the (most recent) assassination attempt at the Washington Hilton—where members of the media had gathered to congratulate themselves at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner—was aggressively on-brand across the board.

The shooter was another deranged nerd who’d been radicalized by mainstream journalists, normie Democrats, and anti-Trump Republicans. Donald Trump survived (again) and used the occasion to promote his massive ballroom. The Secret Service acted with great courage in the moment but somehow failed to stop a military-age male with a bag full of guns from checking in the night before the president’s arrival.

Katie Porter, the former Democratic congresswoman running for governor of California, sent out a fundraising email with the subject line “Fuck Trump,” less than 24 hours after the shooter was apprehended. Around the same time, former president Barack Obama issued a statement insisting that “we don’t yet have the details” about the shooter’s motive—many hours after said details were made public.

Journalists responded by calling for gun control and making it all about themselves. Former MSNBC host Chuck Todd announced that he would no longer attend events where Trump is present. He accused Trump of inciting violence against himself and being insufficiently concerned for the personal safety of Chuck Todd.

When in doubt, shut the f— up: UnitedHealthcare, the company whose CEO was gunned down 16 months ago, fired an employee who posted a TikTok video of herself in her car musing about the assassination attempt on Trump . “My first reaction … was ‘It was probably fake,’” the woman said. “And the second was ‘Aww, they missed?’” Oh, no. She lost her job for being an idiot? That’s so sad.

Fun fact: According to a recent poll, almost 50 percent of Democratic voters said it was “definitely true” or “probably true” that the July 2024 assassination attempt against Trump in Butler, Pa., was “orchestrated by his supporters to increase sympathy for him.”

Bottom line: As bad as things seem at the moment, the national discourse is healthier than it otherwise would be because the alleged shooter, Cole Tomas Allen, is objectively ugly.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE DEMOCRATS

The Democratic Party is in top form. They’ve spent the last few weeks debating the pros and cons of embracing Hasan Piker, the left-wing streamer who loves Mao Zedong and political violence almost as much as he hates America.

Then along comes Cole Tomas Allen, the failed Trump assassin who spent the last few weeks dismissing Piker as a “dumb” fanatic while retweeting the likes of New York Times columnist Jamelle Bouie and Sen. Ron Wyden (D., Ore.).

Democrats and their media allies have spent years telling people like Allen, who supported Kamala Harris in 2024, that Trump is an existential threat to democracy, humanity, life as we know it, everything we hold dear, peace on Earth, the environment, racial justice, gender equality, the continued employment of late night television hosts—fill in the blank.

Are they surprised that someone took them seriously? Will they be surprised again in 2028, when primary voters flock to the candidate who promises to nullify presidential pardons to facilitate mass arrests for “Nuremberg 2.0”?

In the meantime, here’s a look at how Democrats across the country are demonstrating competent leadership in the face of adversity.

California

This week we learned that California approved a $1 billion plan to reroute its high-speed rail project to avoid disturbing visitors to the Cesar Chavez National Monument near Bakersfield.

On the bright side, $1 billion dollars is less than 1 percent of the projected total cost, which has ballooned from $33 billion in 2008 to a staggering $231 billion—or roughly the entire GDP of Ukraine.

Officials are debating whether to scrap the plan after Chavez became the latest Democratic icon to be outed as a prolific sex pest, but if you think that’s going to save California taxpayers any money, I’ve got a train to sell you.

Maine

The Democratic establishment has given up trying to stop Graham Platner from winning the U.S. Senate nomination.

Platner, the Carhartt communist who accidentally got a Nazi tattoo and keeps having to apologize for mingling with anti-Semites, and his fawning supporters rejoiced this week when his establishment-backed competitor, Gov. Janet Mills, suspended her campaign. Not that she had any chance, but still. Platner will face Sen. Susan Collins (R., Maine) in the general election.

While Hasan Piker, among others, has praised Platner for being “pro-Hamas” in 2014—before it was cool—not all Democrats are on board. The always quotable Sen. John Fetterman (D., Pa.) had this to say: “If Maine wants an asshole with a Nazi tattoo on his chest, they get him.”

That might be what they want. The Maine Wire posted a video this week of Matt Dunlap, the Democratic state auditor running for Congress, politely fielding a Boomer white lady’s question about how to stop health insurance companies from being evil given “a lack of Luigi Mangiones.”

Michigan

U.S. Senate candidate Mallory McMorrow, a New Jersey native and former California resident, is under fire for disparaging Michigan and other parts of “Middle America” in old, since-deleted social media posts. She complained, for example, that Trump’s election in 2016 made her “miss California even more.”

McMorrow is the perfect Democratic candidate. She’s a former toy designer who hated Trump so much she ran for State Senate. She went viral in 2022 for angrily denouncing Republicans as a “straight, white, Christian, married, suburban mom.” That same year, she defeated the incumbent chairman of the Michigan Legislative Black Caucus (and Michigan native) in the Democratic primary after their districts were merged.

The state’s U.S. Senate primary offers a near-perfect snapshot of the Democratic Party in 2026. It is essentially a three-way tie between incumbent congresswoman Haley Stevens (a low-energy generic Democrat backed by the establishment), McMorrow (a slightly younger and higher-energy generic Democrat backed by different parts of the establishment), and Abdul El-Sayed (a lacrosse-playing, terror-sympathizing leftist backed by Bernie Sanders and Hasan Piker). Good luck to all!

Minnesota

Minneapolis residents consistently vote for Democrats who view crime as a legitimate expression of social grievance and law enforcement as a gateway drug to fascism. Now some of them are demanding more police presence and patrols—a dangerous expression of white supremacy—after nearly 30 cars in a single neighborhood were burglarized overnight.

Bless their hearts. If these people read the New York Times, they would understand that a bit of “microlooting” is nothing to get worked up about.

New York

Just four months after socialist Zohran Mamdani was sworn in as mayor of New York City, he is already asking the state government for a bailout to solve the city’s “budget crisis.” Things are so bad that Mamdani was forced to thank a hedge fund billionaire, Ken Griffin, for his contributions to the city. Just days earlier, the mayor bragged about “taxing the rich” and explicitly targeted Griffin—who fled Chicago for Miami in 2022 due to Democratic dysfunction—in a video filmed in front of the billionaire’s Manhattan penthouse.

Washington

Seattle mayor Katie Wilson, a 43-year-old professional activist who relied on her parents’ financial support for decades, laughed off concerns that rich people will flee to escape punitive taxation. “The claims that millionaires are going to leave our state are, like, super-overblown,” she said this week. “And if, you know, the ones that leave, like, bye!”

At this rate, no amount of redistricting shenanigans is going to help Democrats overcome the inevitable reapportionment wave. They might try to cancel the 2030 census, but it won’t stop people from moving to states that actually want them.

VARIOUS & SUNDRY

Finally, a cool Harvard grad: Lorna Hajdini, a 37-year-old girl boss at JPMorgan, is being sued by a former male subordinate who claims she repeatedly exposed her “cannons” and threatened to derail his career if he didn’t “f— [her] brains out.” Hajdini completed an executive education program at Harvard, a university that has graduated some of history’s greatest monsters. We’re really going to have to hear both sides. UPDATE: We just saw a picture of the “victim,” and, yeah, we’re pretty sure it’s all fake. Cool story, though.

Batman for microlooters: Say what you will about Americans these days, but we haven’t all given up on trying to enforce the rules. A Taco Bell employee in Florida (obviously) fired a gun at three women who were attempting to fill up their complimentary water cups with soda. Because that is also “against the rules,” the employee was arrested and charged. Is D’Mari Jy’Quan Patterson a Mangione-esque figure for law-and-order advocates? Not exactly, but if forced to choose, it’s a no-brainer.

PALATE CLEANSER

Reality TV boyfriend Spencer Pratt is running for mayor of Los Angeles as a Republican. He will surely lose, but this campaign ad is good enough to give normal Americans some hope that their fellow citizens might eventually revolt against the Democratic misrule that has ruined so many of our fine cities.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND