Mommy's Little Senator
World Cup's 'sexiest fan' exposed, Hunter Biden finally gets a break, and Barack Obama finally gives himself his due
IT’S FRIDAY, JUNE 19, 2026
We’re halfway through Pride Month and Donald Trump is really hitting his stride. In France this week for the G7 Summit, Trump cemented his hard-earned reputation as the gayest American president since Woodrow Wilson by extolling the beauty of man-on-man relations.
“He was in a hotel, and I met him,” Trump said of his first encounter with Egyptian president Abdel Fattah el-Sisi. “We fell in love, deeply in love. … We didn’t know each other before that. We had great chemistry, and I stayed twice as long as I was supposed to.”
Asked about a pending trade deal with India, Trump detailed his masculine affection for the country’s prime minister, Narendra Modi. “So you look at this man,” he said. “He’s the most beautiful-looking man. He looks so nice, he’s like an angel. But actually … he’s as tough as they come. But he looks so good, so he gets you by surprise.”
On a related note, Trump appeared to have let himself be thoroughly charmed by the negotiators from Iran, the first country in recorded history to be (nominally) led by a (probably) gay amputee. Benny Johnson, a prominent male influencer, gushed with praise for Trump’s so-called peace deal with Iran.
“Donald Trump just delivered peace in our time,” Johnson wrote of the agreement, which the president signed in the Palace of Versailles. No, we’re not making this up. Apparently, under French law, it’s only a peace deal if it’s signed in the Versailles region. Otherwise it’s just a sparkling deescalation.
It remains to be seen whether Trump has actually achieved anything in terms of pacifying the Middle East. Nevertheless, his efforts to destigmatize male bonding on the global stage are a small but crucial step toward solving the loneliness epidemic we keep hearing about.
READ MORE: Did Iran Just Get the Better of Us?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE DEMOCRATS
Gaycheck to paycheck: The Department of Justice is looking into a California program that strongly encourages—but for legal reasons does not mandate, even though it does—public utilities to funnel taxpayer dollars to “state-certified LGBT-owned businesses.” Applicants must be certified to get a crack at the $600 million worth of state contracts on offer.
Business owners can prove their gayness through a variety of means, according to a checklist from one of the firms that provides gay certification services. For example, you could get three of your friends to “vouch” for your “LGBT status” on company letterhead. Just be prepared to prove it; otherwise, you could be fined up to $5,000 and serve up to a year behind bars. Unlike most crimes in California, Democrats might actually enforce this one.
Mommy’s little senator: There’s a fierce competition brewing among Democratic candidates for the title of “Most Likely to Bring Their Mom to Washington.” Graham Platner’s mom is the primary customer of his vanity oyster farm. Jack Schlossberg’s mom is a Kennedy heiress who seems content to let her only son reach middle age without ever working a day in his life. And don’t sleep on James Talarico, the precious young man running for student body president U.S. Senate in Texas.
The Free Beacon reports that Talarico, 37, still shares a checking account with his mother, who is also a frequent donor to his campaigns. In 2021, he reported an in-kind contribution of nearly $1,500 after Mommy paid for his “moving expenses.” Talarico bought a $400,000 house the following year, but his campaign declined to say if anyone else pitched in. Makes you wonder what Talarico’s alleged girlfriend thinks about all this. Most women would consider it a red flag, but most men don’t have Talarico’s magnetic personality and rugged sex appeal.
Lunatics unleashed: Democratic Socialists of America (DSA) are thriving in America’s big cities. DSA member Zohran Mamdani is mayor of New York. Another DSA member, Janeese Lewis George, is on track to become mayor of Washington, D.C. The socialist group endorsed Katie Wilson, mayor of Seattle, and its members enthusiastically supported Chicago mayor Brandon Johnson. Los Angeles could be next if Nithya Raman beats incumbent mayor Karen Bass in November.
This is great news for anyone who thinks America’s cities should continue their steady slide into dysfunction and insolvency.
Consider what happened in Pennsylvania this week. The state’s Democratic-controlled Supreme Court ruled that Larry Krasner, the Soros-backed district attorney of Philadelphia, has behaved so disgracefully—lying, withholding evidence, and so forth—in an effort to get convicted murderers released from prison that the state’s attorney general must step in to “enhance the reliability” of the justice system.
These people are a menace to society, and Democrats keep electing them.
DSA member Darializa Avila Chevalier, a Mamdani-backed candidate for Congress who has refused to condemn Hamas, reiterated her view this week that “all deportation is wrong.” Even illegal immigrants convicted of serious crime should not be deported, Chevalier argued, because it would be an unjust “double punishment” for the convicted criminal to be “ripped away from everything they know and love.”
Most frighteningly of all, Chevalier is a graduate of Columbia University, where she majored in Middle Eastern studies, and is studying for a doctoral degree in sociology with a focus on immigration and criminal justice. Having that résumé is almost as bad as being a Kennedy or sharing a checking account with your mom in your late 30s.
We must not, under any circumstances, let these people near the levers of power.
OTHER THINGS THAT HAPPENED
Obama centers himself: The Obama Presidential Center is now open to the public. The former president, who has amassed a net worth approaching $100 million since leaving office, threw himself a star-studded launch party in Chicago just days after complaining about America’s obsession with wealth and fame. Valerie Jarrett kicked off the ceremony by recognizing the Potawatomi Nations, the Council of Three Fires, and other “original inhabitants” of the land over which the brutalist shrine now looms. The Obama Foundation plowed ahead despite concerns from local community organizers, environmentalists, and subcontractors who still haven’t been paid, so they probably don’t have any plans to return the land. But now every American can buy a nifty “hope” hat ($35) or “empathy” trinket dish ($20) from the gift shop.
Hunter Biden cracks the big time: A member of the Biden family finally got a (sort of) real job. Hunter, the former crackhead and Ukrainian energy executive, will become an adviser to and executive director of Peak Path Health, the charitable arm of an “ultra-luxury” rehab center for “high-achieving” professionals in the Hollywood Hills. This could help the failed scion put a dent in the $17 million worth of legal bills he claims to owe and shore up his spotty résumé before he runs for president in 2028.
Jim Acosta scrapes the barrel: The former CNN host has repeatedly claimed he was silenced for telling the truth too courageously for mainstream television. This week Acosta had one of his regular chats with Rosie O’Donnell, who is beginning to look like Acosta’s twin sister. He nodded along as the aging actress rambled on about how Trump will soon be imprisoned for “the gross rape and torture of young girls and boys.” Scott Pelley, your future awaits.
IMPORTANT WORLD CUP UPDATE
Some have described Croatian model Ivana Knöll as the “sexiest fan” at the World Cup. After conducting an extensive analysis, we rate this claim “pants on fire.” Brazilian model Gabriela Moura, among others, is objectively sexier.
Thank you for your attention to this matter!
PALATE CLEANSER
If you haven’t already, watch this adorable Japanese soccer fan crash a local newscast in Dallas.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND
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"Otherwise it’s just a sparkling deescalation."
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
“[Trump] efforts to destigmatize male bonding on the global stage are a small but crucial step toward solving the loneliness epidemic we keep hearing about.” First of many LOL’s, thank you. Hilarious article as usual.